they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize