; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
