Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
