this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
