She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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