i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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