I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
