So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
