Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
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