At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
