five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
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Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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