Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
