After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
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We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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