I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
