I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
