Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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