omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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