the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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