careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
