if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
