you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
