Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
