my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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