I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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