I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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