he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
