He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
