Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
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Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
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We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
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