the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
