see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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