Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
