my phone needs a breathalizer
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
