Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
