I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
