Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
