Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
