so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
