So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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