I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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