She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
