u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
