I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
