He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
