Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
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She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
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New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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