The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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