She is in my trunk
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
