I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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