Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
