I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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