yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
