Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
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Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
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I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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