you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
