cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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