Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
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He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
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And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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