As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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