They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
