Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm like, not good at living.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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