elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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