a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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