well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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