Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
