What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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